Not only do I not know what to believe, but my food choices are limited due to ongoing illness, and it is hard to eat the "right" things. On top of that, my relationship with food is completely warped by not being able to eat for months, and then having compulsive eating as a med side effect for a year.
So what do I do? I have made the decision to work hard, and try to get back to my pre-illness size and shape. I regularly lift weights, I work out, and insofar as is possible, I try to eat sanely (though not during the blogathon, because some things are just too hard -- I can't think clearly enough to change my clothes, let alone my food choices, at this point). And I am finally at a point where I am doing it for me, not for society, for a doctor, for a partner or friend. And society, frankly, can go and get fucked.
This approach will get me so far, you know, and it is something I can live with. But, dammit, I am scared. One day I want to have kids, and how in the hell I am going to give them sane body image messages, I don't know. I hope by then society is ready to help me out, some organisations at least seem to be starting now.
1 comment:
There is no easy answer to this. I recently took a comment from my MIL, who is a dear lady, that it was too bad that I gained weight, because I "looked so good last year."
Last year I was dying of malnutrition. I was rather surprised by this comment but let it go. But it hurt me inside.
The person that I am is the same if I'm 140 pounds or 200 pounds. Why should I be less valuable if I'm fat?
I spent years as a young person being told I was too fat. Had a doc put me on speed. It took me years to accept myself as me.
I come from a stock of healthy fat Germanic farm wives. I look like a skeleton at 140, all my bones show.
Right now I am happy to be healthy and grateful for it.
I wanted to do better with my daughter. I intentionally made it so weight was NEVER an issue, tried to teach her it was important to make good health choices and respect herself.
She jumped by shit recently because I never told her she was fat. And is now dieting.
You can only do your best with kids, and no matter how hard you try it isn't easy.
The vision of ourself we keep in our head is distorted by people around us and media. If you can learn to be comfortable with yourself and be healthy, that is the important thing.
Me I'm working on letting go of my MIL, well ment but stupid comment.
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